Mom crashed yesterday

Mom came home from work looking exhausted.  Her eyes were sunken into dark sockets.  All she wanted to do was sit o the couch and relax.  She didn't want to eat either.  Dad coaxed her to eat a bit of the left-over pasta with garden vegetables he had made Tuesday for dinner when Nichole had visited and stayed the night so she and Mom could drive to San Francisco together for a business meeting.  He warmed it so so it was palatable, but not so hot it would trigger her nausea.  She managed to eat a small portion which made Dad proud of her knowing that she didn't want to eat but needed to keep up her strength to fight the cancer.  She went to be early.  When Dad went upstairs he looked at Mom and cried.  Her skin was grey.  She looked really sick.

It is hard on Dad to see Mom so ill.  He loves her almost as much as I do, which is a lot.

Smooth(er) sailing

Dad's hand is still swollen, which makes it difficult for him to do simple things like type on his computer.  He has been cooking for Mom and taking care of things around the house as Mom navigates her week of infusion.  She has been doing pretty good this time.  She has taken all the meds the doctor prescribed which cut the nausea and help her sleep.  Her appetite is a bit off because of a metallic taste in her mouth, although she is eating much better than last month.  This morning she took a banana to work which is good because of the nutrients that help her leg cramps, and the calories to keep her strength up.

This session has been much smoother sailing than last month for Mom and the whole family.  And with Dad injured he has been spending more attention on Lou and me.  We are happy dogs when the family is happy and people pay attention to us.  Mom and Dad are talking about having Mom's friend Kathy visit from Portland over the Labor Day weekend since Mom feels strong enough and she likes the company.  Kathy has a dog named Libby, so she should be good to Lou and me too.

Mom tolerated the infusion well

Yesterday morning the house was on pins and needles as Mom prepared to go to the infusion center to get the medicine to fight her cancer.  Dad packed a cooler with waters and yogurt since the treatment takes almost all day.  Mom also took some crackers (which Lou and I love) to help her with the nausea caused by the Bendamustine.  Off they went at 9:15 AM for Mom's 10 AM appointment.  Mom was nervous about the treatment which made her want Dad to do stuff for her.  He is still struggling with his sprained hand, though, which makes it hard for him to lift stuff.  After Dad's pitiful wincing and one-handed manipulation of doors and various items with his big balloon-looking hand, they got off leaving Lou and me to do some barking here.  Lou and I did alot of barking to let the germs and the cancer know we are on the job with able bodies to help Mom any way we can, unlike that old duffer she is married to.

Mom and Dad came home about 3 PM.  Mom was weary from the ordeal, so she went to bed for a nap while Dad ran some errands to ready the pantry and fridge so Mom would have stuff she can eat during this week.  Dad got back home about 4:45 with stuff from Costco and the grocery store.  It took him a half hour of more wincing and one-handed sick tricks to put everything away by which time Mom had gotten up from her nap feeling pretty good considering.  She and Dad went into  the back yard to sit and talk about the day and to update Dad's list of things to get done this season.  It's a long list which took them about 45 minutes to compile. Mom loves to put the list together and mark off stuff Dad gets done, which he does focus on, so I give him credit for that. After feeding Lou and me our rations of kibble, Mom ate the green salad Dad made that included pasta, tomatoes from our garden, fresh mozzarella cheese, orange bell pepper, and avocado with some bread on the side.  Mom ate almost all of it, which made me so proud of her.

This morning we got up at the normal time for more kibble, followed by our usual 2-mile walk up and down the hill we live on.  Then Mom got ready for work while Dad cooked her some fresh blue lake green beans for her lunch.  He also took out the garbage.  Mom went off to work in good spirits.

The doctors and scientists who figure out ways to fight cancer are my heroes.  They are keeping my Mom alive and several of her friends too.  Mom's friend Jacquie had an infusion of Bendamustine and Rituxant yesterday too.  While at the same time, Mark, who is Sandee's boyfriend, is getting chemo and radiation to fight his cancer.  All of these people are so brave and strong to fight their cancers with the drugs and therapies developed by my heroes.  Today I am one hopeful dog.  Thank-you God for giving all of these gifts to my Mom, our friends, and our family.  Now if Dad would heal up it would be almost normal around here.

Dad is an idiot

Mom goes to her next chemo infusion treatment tomorrow.  She wants to get this behind her so she can lead a normal life for as long as God will give her.  Dad is worried about her.  But he is also an idiot.  He was working in the garage yesterday afternoon with his 1/2" chuck electric drill making a hole in his new desk for the wires to come through when the hole saw bound in the oak and sprained Dad's hand.  He hopped around for a while to try to work it out, but it was too badly strained.  He iced it, which made him feel better.  He still had to mow the lawns for the week, which he did with his left hand.  Every once in a while he would wince in pain.  The idiot got the job done.  He also cooked dinner for Mom and Jacalyn and him last night, although his hand was looking like a balloon glued to his arm stump by the end of the night.  Today he took it easy to try to recover so he can support Mom during treatment.  The duffer needs to be more careful!

One of the challenges of being caregiver to a loved one with cancer

Dad is feeling stressed as Mom's caregiver during her treatment because she is very sensitive about her diet.  She will eat most of what Dad prepares, although she does not eat enough lately to keep her weight on.  The week of infusion is the most challenging time of all.  Mom doesn't want to eat anything to start with.  What she does eat, has to be something appetizing enough for her to take enough to keep her strength, while accepting that whatever she eats during this time she will reject later.  That is because humans associate nausea with whatever food they ate last.  It is a normal instinct to avoid eating poisons or otherwise harmful foods.  Chemo therapy causes nausea, but since it is taken through an I.V., when the nausea comes the drugs don't get blamed by the human response, rather the most recent meal takes the rap.  So Dad is stressed to figure out what to feed Mom starting Monday.  In the mean time, Jacalyn is visiting tonight, so Dad is making a special dinner.  He made chutney from our pluots yesterday which goes really great with pork.  Dad went to the farmer's market in San Francisco today to pick up dry-farmed early girl tomatoes and fresh-made mozzarella which he will make into caprese salad using basil from our garden to start the meal tonight.  The star entree is a bone-in, frenched pork loin roast from Golden Gate Meats.  Dad brought the roast home from the market this morning and put it into a brining solution to make the meat juicy and flavorful when cooked.  The butcher gave Dad some dry rub to add for the rotisserie cooking process which will give the meat a complex taste.  My mouth is watering just thinking about it.  With the chutney to compliment and fresh English peas steamed for a side dish, it will be a wonderful meal to share with Jacalyn.  Dad wants Mom to get ahead on calories before treatment, so he is working hard to make some wonderful meals this weekend.  Go Dad, go!

I wish Dad would spend as much time, or at least some time, thinking about and planning good meals for Lou and me.  The best we get is a can of dog food once a week (which I love a whole bunch).  Usually it is kibble.  Kibble for breakfast, kibble for dinner, rinse and repeat the next day.  If it wasn't for the tomato patch in the garden and the pluot tree my diet would be like cardboard with vitamins added.  Please Dad, make us a roast of pork!

Mom's big heart

Last night Mom came home early to enjoy the warm weather with Dad out by the pool.  They sat and chatted for about 45 minutes before Dad got up to make dinner.  While Dad was in the kitchen, Mom called her friend Jacque, who is also fighting CLL.  Jacque faces a potentially more serious problem that her auto immune system is failing.  Her doctor is trying Retuxant and Bendamustine to see if it is her CLL causing the auto immune problem.  Her doctor wants to try another drug he thinks will be more helpful, but the insurance company requires the Bendamustine be tried first.  On the one hand, the insurance company is trying to manage costs - these drugs costs thousands each time they are administered.  On the other hand, it seems a waste that Jacque's doctor has to make her take them so she can get what her doctor believes she really needs.  So Jacque is having weekly chemo infusions.  Mom calls her the evening before each treatment to encourage her, and then she follows up the day of treatment to provide support for what Jacque is going through.  Mom has such a big heart.  I wish Mom's friends would call her before treatment and after because Mom has a rough time with just Dad and Lou and me.  We do our best, but Dad and us, we are boys and boys don't help women like other women do.

Last night was warm and muggy.  After dinner there was a heat lightening storm, which scares the bejeebers out of me.  I got so wound up that Mom gave me a valium to calm me down so the family could sleep.  The valium was prescribed for Lou because of his epilepsy, but he has never taken it since he isn't scared of anything and his new drugs do a good job of managing his seizures.  I had a bit of a hangover this morning until after breakfast we walked a couple of miles which made me feel much better.  Let's see what today brings!

Making Plans

Mom likes to make plans, especially for weekends with Dad, friends, and Lou and me.  Chemo therapy has made it difficult for Mom to plan ahead because the recovery of her blood counts and how she feels dictates if she will be able to be with her friends.  So far, Mom's second round of chemo has been delayed because her white counts have not yet recovered to the level necessary to be safe for retuxant infusion.  Mom's bones, like her, are skinny.  She needs more time than the typical patient to rebuild after treatment.  This means Mom cannot make firm plans which drives her crazy.  Normally we have a rolling 3-month plan of parties and outings to see friends, take in shows, and visit family.  The delay of Mom's treatment has meant the changing of plans, which also makes Mom crazy.  And, she isn't planning ahead, so she is stressed because she needs to have things to look forward to, more than blood tests and when will she get medicine that makes her feel terrible...

Lou and me, we are okay with all of this because when Mom has no plans she likes to stay at home, with us.  Today the weather was really warm so Mom and Dad sat by the pool in the warm air reading, chatting and sharing time together with Lou and me. I got to sit intertwined with Mom's feet poolside most of the afternoon. I love Mom!

Mom is too thin

Mom and Dad went to see Mom's oncologist today.  She still isn't ready for treatment because her platelet level is too low.  This is a new symptom Mom has developed since her last treatment.  Also, she is getting too thin.  To the point where the doctor went beyond chiding her to getting serious about what will happen if she doesn't gain weight.  Mom needs a buffer to fight potential infection.  Her weight in clothes is around 120 pounds.  For a woman of her stature, that is getting stick-skinny.

Dad is pushing Mom to eat more.  It is causing a little friction between then.  I guess Mom doesn't like being told what to do around her eating habits.  It has always been an area of sensitivity for her.

Me on the other hand, I continue to build my physique into a fatter dog every day because our pluot tree and tomatoes are in full swing now.  Dad has cut my food even more to compensate, and I don't even care because I know I will get three to five pluots a day and several sweet and juicy tomatoes too. I wish Mom would come down to the garden with me and we could eat the fruits together.  Then she would be plump like me.

Preparing for more chemotherapy

Mom and Dad celebrate their 15th wedding anniversary this week.  They were planning to go away for the weekend since 15 years of marriage is a sort of big deal for humans.  They had a difficult time finding someone to sit for Lou and me so they are staying home instead.  I'm good with that because I miss Mom terribly when she is away.  It also seems like she is apprehensive about her upcoming treatment.  She will see her oncologist on Friday.  The expectation is that she will start the second in this series of treatment on the 19th of August.  She was supposed to start today, but her blood isn't ready to take the punishment of the strong medicine.

I can tell Mom is worried and wishes she didn't have to get the medicine again because it makes her so sick and so tired especially the first week of the treatment.  I will do everything I can to help Mom be comfortable and on her way to some good years with her family she loves so much.  I am sorry to see her suffer when she gets the medicine.  It makes me sad.

Another get away weekend

Mom and Dad are going up to Napa to see Allen and Jackie, without Lou and me.  But Jene will be here so we will be safe.  Mom loves Jackie like a sister.  She and Allen are two of Mom and Dad's closest friends.  They have a wonderful property too with two yellow lab pups named Jesse and Jose.  Dad says we can't go up there until I stop fighting with the pups over stuffed toys (I especially like the duck) and Lou doesn't fence fight with their neighbor dogs.  Dad says maybe we can go up in September.  I sure hope so.

In the "zone"

My brother Lou and me, we were part of the same litter of 11 puppies.  When Mom saw us, she fell in love.  She coaxed Dad to come see us with all our brothers and sisters one cold november Day almost 10 years ago. When Dad picked me up from the pile of pups, I nuzzled his chest and he was in head over heels in love with me.  I am still the same dog, and Dad loves me like no one could, except Mom. Mom says I am her favorite dog ever.  She has had some amazing dogs, so I feel really blessed to be the favorite.  She really, really loved Larkin.  Larkin was her favorite before me.  Dad says Larkin was an acquired taste.  But Mom loved her and Larkin knew it.  Dad loved Chinaco, or "shnagg-a-dog" as Dad called him, who was the perfect dog when Dad and Mom had them together.  Chinaco died shortly after moving to the house we live in now.  He couldn't do stairs because of his arthritis.  Dad loved him so much and still thinks about and misses him often.  Dad keeps his collar as a way to keep in touch with Chinaco.  Sometimes he cries because he misses him so much.

 Larkin has a special place in Dad's heart.  When Dad first moved to California he saw Mom and Larkin on the TV news.  Mom used to run with Larkin around Palo Alto even though there were bad people who would abduct blonde pretty women like Mom when they were out running even though the women just wanted to keep in shape.  Dad saw her on the TV and fell in love on first sight.  Seven years later he saw Mom at their work and asked her out to lunch the minute he saw her again.  They have been together ever since.  Larkin died less than a year after they moved  to this house where Lou and I have always lived.  She was a good dog who loved Chinaco and Mom and Dad and especially tennis balls. Larkin mourned Chinaco and then she became Chinaco, so Dad loved her just as much as him.  It was hard on Mom and Dad when she passed.  She died of cancer...

Dad says we are in the "zone" since we will be 10 years old this Halloween, and golden retrievers die between 10 and 14 years.  A golden who lives more than 14 years is like a baseball player who hits over 300 average, it is rare.  Dad loves us and we love him and Mom.  I just feel tired lately.  And there are big lumps on my body.  I hope I took the cancer away from Mom so she can live many more years as humans should.  Its okay if the cancer kills me because I have lived a long life for a dog already.  Dad promises he will keep me in his heart.  He says "If I don't think about you, who will?".  So he will always think about me just like he thinks about and remembers with love Chinaco, Larkin, Duke, Saber, and Lisa.  All dogs go to heaven...

Left over burgers

Dad was home late yesterday.  He and Mom arrived at almost the same time around 6:30 PM.  Dad was tired and didn't feel like cooking so Mom asked for the left over burgers for dinner which upset me because I was hoping Dad would give the tasty morsels to his faithful dog, you know - me.  I love left over burgers, or burgers of any kind.  Dad was happy because beef is good for Mom to build up her blood and to gain some weight.  She has lost another 5 pounds, which means she is barely 120 pounds in her clothes.  Since she is 5-foot 7 inches tall, she should weigh more like 140 or 145 fully dressed.  Keep eating burgers Mom!

Dad needs to be careful

Dad is Mom's caretaker through her cancer treatment and, well, life in general.  Today he was trimming the scrub oak trees along our back fence so the sun gets to the bamboo screen and the garden better.  He set up a 25' ladder into one of the trees to trim some branches away.  We live on a hillside and the back of the lot has a really steep slope especially right at the fence.  Dad was up with the lopper (thank God not the chain saw) when the ladder slipped downslope and he was launched into mid-air.  He should be more like a cat and land on his feet instead of on his back with a thud.  The collision with the ground and the small of his back knocked the wind out of him making him crawl around on the ground on all fours like a dog gasping for air.  I felt sorry for him that he was in so much pain.  He's lucky he isn't either in the hospital with a broken back, hip or paraplegic as a result of that fall.  Dad is a Physics genius, so he thinks, so he calculated his speed on impact.  He estimates the collision at about 15 miles per hour when he landed.  He should be more like a cat and land on his feet!  He needs to keep himself healthy to take care of Mom while she fights the cancer.  Not splaying  on hard-pack and gasping for air for five minutes like today. He took some Alleve to ease the swelling.  His left elbow is all kinds of black and blue.  He did tough it out for the rest of the day to finish so the yard would look good when Mom came home.  Get it together dude!

Mom came home and felt sorry for him and scolded him too.  She pointed out the she may outlive him because he has so  many accidents that cause bodily harm to the old duffer.  Dad cooked her hamburger sliders with grilled zucchini from our garden.  They laughed and hugged and generally enjoyed the evening.  The old duffer recovered well!

Ass Whopping

Mom and Dad took it easy today so Mom can rest and be strong to fight the cancer.  After going to the farmer's market in San Francisco to get fresh veggies, mozzarella cheese, mushrooms and a hanger steak for dinner they came home to chill in our yard.  The sat in the garden drinking wine.  Then they went upstairs for a long and leisurely bath followed by some luxurious sex.  Then they went back to the yard to play bocce.  They are both very competitive which made me nervous so I tried to get them to stop playing.  Every time one would toss the palino, I would rush to the end of the court wagging my tail and panting heavily.  Dad was very irritated with me because he would keep me off the court when Mom would play but Mom would let me distract Dad when he played.  Dad took an early lead which I didn't like.  Then Mom got four points on one play and then whooped Dad's ass.  It was a thing of beauty.  Dad may or may not have let her win.  It doesn't matter because Mom was felling good.  It was a glorious day.  I hope I helped Mom win!

Blood markers improving

Mom and Dad went to see Mom's oncologist Friday afternoon while Lou and I stayed at home bored as ever.  Mom had gotten her blood taken that morning before going to work so the doctor could check progress since her first treatment.  The doctor was gushing that Mom had responded really well to first treatment.  Her white blood count went from 120 thousand to 3 thousand with healthy white cells on the rise indicating that Mom's marrow is in strong recovery.  Her platelets had improved too along with the disappearance of swollen lymph nodes.  A really good report.

Mom and Dad then went to the Rosewood for a drink and to relax after, which meant that Lou and me continued to be bored, so we dug up a few plants from the garden and I stole some juicy tomatoes to hold me until dinner.  When they got home everyone was so happy that it made Lou and me absolutely wild with excitement.  Let's have more good days like this.

Mom will go in for another meeting with the oncologist on the 14th of August.  Then she will have her second treatment the 19th and 20th.  She and Dad plan to go to Sausalito the 16th through the 18th to celebrate their 15th wedding anniversary.  They are looking for someone to babysit Lou and me that weekend.  I hope it is someone fun who will give me treats.

Mom is amazing

Mom came home from work last night with a story to tell.  She was facilitating an offsite meeting when they asked to pause the meeting to recognize Mom for her good work.  Four executives all gave testimonials of how amazing Mom is at work.  They punctuated it with a recognition bonus that let Mom get $5,000 after taxes and stuff.  She was so touched by the gesture that her eyes welled up.

I know Mom is amazing because I am her favorite dog of all time.  What they don't know is that she does all that great stuff at work, she is an awesome Mom and wife at home.  And she is fighting cancer  and getting chemo medicine that makes her feel like crap while she does all that great stuff.  She's one in a million.  Please God, you want her in heaven to take care of stuff up there, but will you let her be with us for a long life?

Away from her

Mom had a business dinner last night so it was just us guys, Lou, Dad and me, at home without Mom.  I was really missing her and worried that the cancer or germs could get to Mom without me there to protect her.  She came home at almost 10 PM, which is Mom's normal bed time.  She stayed up with us for a while after changing into casual clothes because she missed us too.  We sat and talked as a family in the family room which Dad has utterly torn apart for painting.  Then I got one of Mom's walking shoes that she lets me chew on and went to bed with Mom and Lou.  Dad came up later and made me get off the bed so he had a place to sleep.  He still let Lou stay on the bed because he says Lou knows how to share the room versus me who is a "bed hog".  I don't look, sound, or act like a hog at all.  I like bacon, though, so pigs are okay as long as they are only at the grocery store or butcher shop where Dad buys bacon to fry up at home.  Mom will be home for dinner tonight.  I hope Dad finishes painting the family room before she comes home so she is comfortable.