I'm not feeling well

I am an old dog.  Just turned 10 a few days ago and blam, I get sick.  Can't keep my kibble down, so Dad took me to see Dr. Lundsman on Friday.  We were planning to go to see Jacalyn and her pups in Napa, but instead I spend the whole day hooked up to an IV because I was dehydrated.  We went to Napa on Saturday which was glorious.  But then I was sick gain on Sunday.  I may have to back to the vet tomorrow if I don't get better.  I hate being sick.  Dad and Mom are really worried.  But they also love me, so I hope we are okay for a few more years.

Will two rounds be enough?

Mom and Dad went to see her oncologist late yesterday afternoon, leaving Lou and me home being super bored.  The doctor decided it was best to stop Mom's chemotherapy because Mom's blood still has not recovered after two full months since the second treatment.  She said the risks outweigh the benefits.  Dad and Mom agreed with the plan; what choice did they have?  While Mom was really happy that she is free of the evil lymphocytes that were trying to kill her, she knows she is not cured of the disease.  There is still no known cure for CLL.  The doctor said she had a really great response to the first treatment and that she should hope for some good months without any issue.  Mom will go back for a blood test right before Thanksgiving.  Hopefully her blood will be recovered by then and we will see if the cancer comes back.

Her doctor did give Mom and Dad hope based on a new drug that is an antibody versus chemo.  It is taken in pill form, so no infusion required.  The exciting aspect of the new drug is that it treats CLL without the nasty side effects of the blood chemistry Mom has suffered with in both rounds of treatment.  The drug has been approved by the FDA.  Dr. Kushlan said that the next time Mom needs treatment this drug "is perfect for her".  We hope and pray it will be.

I will make this my last blog post for a while.  I am an old dog who is slowing down.  Dad has helped me lose weight, which is good.  But I still struggle to climb the hill home on our walks in the morning.  And in the afternoon I am very tired.  I also have a skin infection.  It is tough getting old!  I hope I live out what time I have left with Mom.  I love her so much.  Last night we watched the World Series together on the couch.  I laid my head on Mom's lap so she could stroke my ears and be close.  It was bliss.  This is the best life a dog can hope for.

What to do?

I am a dog.  Not real bright.  But lovable.  I love my mom so much.  She has cancer...she is taking the medicine to fight the caner, but her body doesn't want it.  She took the medicine in July and August, which was real hard on her.  She fought like a champ and was ready for round three, but her blood wasn't.  She feels good.  She looks amazing, yet the cancer is trying to kill her.  Cancer is evil.  It strikes the good people among us.  People who try to make sure everyone they know is happy and feels loved.

Us dogs, we try to do what we can, but we don't talk or earn money, or do things our heroes do.  What we do is what we can - we love our owners.  We protect the property we live on, and we provide entertainment for those we love and who love us.  Dad loves us almost as much as Mom loves us  He feeds us and picks up our poohs so our yard is clean;  and he walks us us.  We love Dad a lot.  But we love Mom so much more  She is sweet in ways Dad can never be.  Dad knows that and is okay as long as we stay together as a family.

But the cancer keeps trying to kill Mom.  What can we do?  We snuggle Mom; we lick Mom's hands; we bark at critters; and we bark to let the cancer know we are on the job.  But is that enough?  What if the cancer is too strong?  what if we can't beat it back no matter how much we try?  What will happen to Mom?

Insurance - really?

Mom came home Friday night very upset.  Her blood counts still have not recovered enough for her to get her next treatment, so she is worried that her bone marrow is compromised.  Then on top of all of that, her insurance may not cover further treatment because she didn't complete them within the six month window.  Really!??
I love my mom so much. She is kind and considerate and dedicated to her job, Dad, her family, which includes Lou and me.  It upset me alot so I crashed around the house and bit Mom's arm to retrieve her. I couldn't control my anxiety because when Mom is upset, which is so very rare, it gets under my fur so much I just lose it....
With the government shut down, BART strike, and our society just generally coming apart at the seams, why is Mom put in the position where she must choose life versus paying for health care herself.
You tea-bagger republicans believe you are doing God's work.  I'm a dog, I know what you are doing is the work of the Devil himself.  Shame on you all of you!

I am an old dog

Dad took Lou and me to the vet today.  We really don't like to go to the vet, although we like Dr Lundsman.  He is really kind and gentle.  But other people stick needles into us, which we hate.  The worst part is when Lou and I are separated so they can test us.  Lou and I are really really close.  Even 1 minute apart stresses us out. When Lou went "to the back"  I cried 'cause I worry about Lou.  I could hear Lou whining for me when I went to "the back".  It was okay when we where back together.
I weighed in at a portly 100 lbs even.  Guess I am a lard butt after all.  Now Dad is cutting my food ration down, so I will be hungry a lot.  Dad was worried about my tumors growing all over my body that they might be cancer.  Dr. Lundsman doesn't think so, but I got a blood test just to make sure.  Which meant a needle, which I hate!
Dad brought us home about 11:30 this morning.  The weather is really gorgeous, so Lou and I laid out on the driveway sunning ourselves while Dad built a small shed under the house in a space that used to be the old porch landing some 80 years ago.  It was so warm and comfortable.  This is living like a dog should!
 Mom was out to a business dinner yet she still got home at 7 PM.  It was a fun evening watching Monday night football and snuggling Mom on the couch.  This is the way life is meant to be!

Late at night

Today was wonderful - Dad filled the new shed with fire wood, while Mom trimmed roses and other flowers around the yard.  The weather was mild, sunny, and glorious.  Lou and me, we dug up some plants to help with the gardening.  Mom and Dad took a bath and made passionate love together.  Mom was really getting off, which made Dad very happy that he could make Mom enjoy sex so much.

Mom and Dad watched some baseball and a television series before Mom went to bed about 8:30.  She is tired these days so she goes to bed early.  Dad stayed up watching the game and then went to his office to surf the internet and play backgammon (he's pretty good).  As the night wore on it made me consider what it would be like without Mom.  It made me sad.  Our family is a close knit unit because Mom makes sure all of us are okay.  Every day she works on making this family better.  It makes me want to be a better dog.  I bark alot to protect her an our house as does Lou.  Dad also tries to be a better person to give Mom the best life he can.  It is hard on the old duffer.  He wants to be kind and generous, but it takes an effort for him.  Mom is the shining example he tries to follow.  He loves Mom so much it makes him cry late at night when it is only him awake in the house.  He considers what it would be like to be alone again without Mom and he doesn't like the scenario.  He loves Lou and me, but we are dogs.  We are 10 this year, so we won't be around too many more years.  Dad is 56.  He could live another 30 or even 40 more years.  He doesn't want to live one more year without Mom.  Lou and me will keep him company as long as we can, but we are getting old.  We will soon leave this earth to make room for others to follow.  Dad will be so lonely...

Mom has skinny bones

Mom went in for a blood test on Friday to see if she is ready for the next round of treatment.  Her white counts did not change much, so she will not start on Monday as hoped.  Mom asked to postpone at least until October 14th so she can participate in an important work offsite.  I guess Mom's bones are too skinny to tolerate treatment, so she has to wait.  Lou and me, we love Mom so much, so we are glad to have her felling good while the weather is so gorgeous.  Today mom and Dad set out chairs by the pool so they could sit, sip wine and listen to Jimmy Buffet.  Lou and I laid at their feet which was absolutely bucolic.

Dad has a birthday coming up.  The duffer will be 56 on October 1.  So what?  Lou and me, we will be 70 in dog years on Halloween.  Dad will never catch up to us.

Mom and Dad were so happy today.  I hope they get lots more years to enjoy and love each other.  I love Mom so much.  It was really good to see her so happy.

Wine Country Weekend

On September 14th Allen and Jacalyn Spence hosted their first harvest party to promote their wine club.  Dad and two of his friends cooked for the 35 guests and staff, with spouses and some of the guests pitching in to help.  I know all of this because Lou and I were allowed to go with them.  Jesse and Jose, the Spence puppies, irritated us by nipping at our faces, so Lou and I growled and barked at them to make them stop.  We are old dogs who don't have time to be bothered by two female dogs who don't understand us.  Mom and Dad were proud of us because we didn't fence fight with the neighbor dogs which would make Jacalyn crazy. We are getting wiser knowing that if we did stuff Jacalyn doesn't like we don't get to go up there, and we love it up there a lot.  Here is a picture of Lou in the vineyard there during the event:

Dad loves that picture so much he had it printed and framed for his new office.  He promises to get a picture of me too so I don't feel left out.

Several people at the party have known Mom and Dad for some years although we don't see them very often.  Mom doesn't like to tell lots of people about her cancer, only close friends and family because so many people don't understand that she doesn't want them to feel sorry for her.  She just wants to lead a normal life.  One of the gals we see occasionally actually started crying when she told Mom that a friend had told her about the cancer.  Mom was uncomfortable because she doesn't like causing other people to suffer or feel sad.  What she needs is to be understood as a strong woman who intends to be around for as long as her quality of life is maintained.  She doesn't need people to be sad.  The more she can be happy and have fun, the stronger she becomes.  People have their heart in the right place, which makes it difficult to realize that reminding her that she has a deadly disease sucks her energy, while acceptance, love and giving fun times makes her super Mom.

This is what she needs:

Mom with her friend Karin.  They look very happy and pretty together.

Chemo session delayed

Mom met with her oncologist today with Dad, the old duffer.  Her doc was very optimistic that Mom is responding well to the treatment, however, her bone marrow is slow to recover.  So treatment is delayed at least one more week.  Mom thought that would be the case, so she made plans to see Jim and Kristin at a house in Scotts Valley where they will be dog/house sitting.  It kinda pissed me off because Lou and me are not welcomed there so Sharon will be watching us.  We love Sharon, but it is not the same as having Mom at home.  We hope they have a good time because we love them, but would rather be home as a pack barking at the neighbors.

Mom is doing good.  She has gained some weight because Dad makes zucchini bread which she loves and helps her regain some of the pounds she has lost. Dad made another batch today and took one of the loaves to the doctor.  Doctor Kushlan was touched as she accepted the still warm bread fresh from the oven.  Dad was glad to hear that Mom is winning the battle.

Dr. Kushlan told Mom that she may only prescribe four treatments this go round, rather that six, which made Mom very hopeful that she is on her way to some good years with Lou and me and, of course that old duffer Dad.  It looks like Mom will outlive me, which means I will live beyond my years in Mom's heart.  That is what a dog lives for more than anything else, to have a legacy of love.  I love Mom so much and I know she loves me more than any dog ever.  My life is fulfilled.

We see Mom's oncologist tomorrow

We have had a wonderful two weeks.  Mom regained her strength as if she doesn't have cancer.  Dad finished the office remodel, which looks good considering his injured hand and somewhat duffer condition.  Lou and I laid at Dad's feet today as he put the desk together.  Mom came home early to enjoy the warm weather.  Hard to believe Mom and Dad see the oncologist tomorrow which may mean the next round of chemotherapy starts Monday.  It's surreal that Mom has to feel terrible to get better.

Our neighbors up the street, Jay and Kathy, who own Mack, a red Lab who stops buy every day to give us treats, their daughter Erin has colon cancer that attacked adjacent organs and was found in her lymph  nodes.  Mom and Dad went to their house for dinner Sunday evening to see them and to watch the 49er game.  They told Mom about Erin's challenge and asked for Mom to help since Mom has been through chemo and knows what it takes to survive.  Mom helps so many people.  I hope she helps Erin because Lou and me love Jay and Kathy.  We don't want them to be sad.  Cancer is evil.  It is everywhere.  Lou and I are barking alot more now to keep the cancer from getting to anyone else we love.  Watch out cancer we are on the job!

Mom is fighting hard

Mom is now a week after chemo infusion.  She looks weary with sunken eyes.  Not like our Mom at all although she is in pretty good spirits.  She goes to work every day then comes home to be with Lou, Dad, and of course me most of all.  She has been going to bed early to get her rest she so badly needs.  She also took lots of naps over the three-day Labor Day weekend.  Although she did entertain Kathy from Portland who stayed at the house.  Mom loves to see her and then she is glad to get back to normal around our house.  It takes a toll on her too having a guest in the house.

Kathy left Monday morning to fly back to Portland.  Then Mom and Dad did yard maintenance until early afternoon.  Then it was blissful sitting by the pool with them in the mild weather.  They also took a long bath and made love late afternoon.  Mom wants to do that with Dad because she loves him, she likes sex, and she wants to be a normal, happily married woman.  Go Mom, go!

Mom crashed yesterday

Mom came home from work looking exhausted.  Her eyes were sunken into dark sockets.  All she wanted to do was sit o the couch and relax.  She didn't want to eat either.  Dad coaxed her to eat a bit of the left-over pasta with garden vegetables he had made Tuesday for dinner when Nichole had visited and stayed the night so she and Mom could drive to San Francisco together for a business meeting.  He warmed it so so it was palatable, but not so hot it would trigger her nausea.  She managed to eat a small portion which made Dad proud of her knowing that she didn't want to eat but needed to keep up her strength to fight the cancer.  She went to be early.  When Dad went upstairs he looked at Mom and cried.  Her skin was grey.  She looked really sick.

It is hard on Dad to see Mom so ill.  He loves her almost as much as I do, which is a lot.

Smooth(er) sailing

Dad's hand is still swollen, which makes it difficult for him to do simple things like type on his computer.  He has been cooking for Mom and taking care of things around the house as Mom navigates her week of infusion.  She has been doing pretty good this time.  She has taken all the meds the doctor prescribed which cut the nausea and help her sleep.  Her appetite is a bit off because of a metallic taste in her mouth, although she is eating much better than last month.  This morning she took a banana to work which is good because of the nutrients that help her leg cramps, and the calories to keep her strength up.

This session has been much smoother sailing than last month for Mom and the whole family.  And with Dad injured he has been spending more attention on Lou and me.  We are happy dogs when the family is happy and people pay attention to us.  Mom and Dad are talking about having Mom's friend Kathy visit from Portland over the Labor Day weekend since Mom feels strong enough and she likes the company.  Kathy has a dog named Libby, so she should be good to Lou and me too.

Mom tolerated the infusion well

Yesterday morning the house was on pins and needles as Mom prepared to go to the infusion center to get the medicine to fight her cancer.  Dad packed a cooler with waters and yogurt since the treatment takes almost all day.  Mom also took some crackers (which Lou and I love) to help her with the nausea caused by the Bendamustine.  Off they went at 9:15 AM for Mom's 10 AM appointment.  Mom was nervous about the treatment which made her want Dad to do stuff for her.  He is still struggling with his sprained hand, though, which makes it hard for him to lift stuff.  After Dad's pitiful wincing and one-handed manipulation of doors and various items with his big balloon-looking hand, they got off leaving Lou and me to do some barking here.  Lou and I did alot of barking to let the germs and the cancer know we are on the job with able bodies to help Mom any way we can, unlike that old duffer she is married to.

Mom and Dad came home about 3 PM.  Mom was weary from the ordeal, so she went to bed for a nap while Dad ran some errands to ready the pantry and fridge so Mom would have stuff she can eat during this week.  Dad got back home about 4:45 with stuff from Costco and the grocery store.  It took him a half hour of more wincing and one-handed sick tricks to put everything away by which time Mom had gotten up from her nap feeling pretty good considering.  She and Dad went into  the back yard to sit and talk about the day and to update Dad's list of things to get done this season.  It's a long list which took them about 45 minutes to compile. Mom loves to put the list together and mark off stuff Dad gets done, which he does focus on, so I give him credit for that. After feeding Lou and me our rations of kibble, Mom ate the green salad Dad made that included pasta, tomatoes from our garden, fresh mozzarella cheese, orange bell pepper, and avocado with some bread on the side.  Mom ate almost all of it, which made me so proud of her.

This morning we got up at the normal time for more kibble, followed by our usual 2-mile walk up and down the hill we live on.  Then Mom got ready for work while Dad cooked her some fresh blue lake green beans for her lunch.  He also took out the garbage.  Mom went off to work in good spirits.

The doctors and scientists who figure out ways to fight cancer are my heroes.  They are keeping my Mom alive and several of her friends too.  Mom's friend Jacquie had an infusion of Bendamustine and Rituxant yesterday too.  While at the same time, Mark, who is Sandee's boyfriend, is getting chemo and radiation to fight his cancer.  All of these people are so brave and strong to fight their cancers with the drugs and therapies developed by my heroes.  Today I am one hopeful dog.  Thank-you God for giving all of these gifts to my Mom, our friends, and our family.  Now if Dad would heal up it would be almost normal around here.

Dad is an idiot

Mom goes to her next chemo infusion treatment tomorrow.  She wants to get this behind her so she can lead a normal life for as long as God will give her.  Dad is worried about her.  But he is also an idiot.  He was working in the garage yesterday afternoon with his 1/2" chuck electric drill making a hole in his new desk for the wires to come through when the hole saw bound in the oak and sprained Dad's hand.  He hopped around for a while to try to work it out, but it was too badly strained.  He iced it, which made him feel better.  He still had to mow the lawns for the week, which he did with his left hand.  Every once in a while he would wince in pain.  The idiot got the job done.  He also cooked dinner for Mom and Jacalyn and him last night, although his hand was looking like a balloon glued to his arm stump by the end of the night.  Today he took it easy to try to recover so he can support Mom during treatment.  The duffer needs to be more careful!

One of the challenges of being caregiver to a loved one with cancer

Dad is feeling stressed as Mom's caregiver during her treatment because she is very sensitive about her diet.  She will eat most of what Dad prepares, although she does not eat enough lately to keep her weight on.  The week of infusion is the most challenging time of all.  Mom doesn't want to eat anything to start with.  What she does eat, has to be something appetizing enough for her to take enough to keep her strength, while accepting that whatever she eats during this time she will reject later.  That is because humans associate nausea with whatever food they ate last.  It is a normal instinct to avoid eating poisons or otherwise harmful foods.  Chemo therapy causes nausea, but since it is taken through an I.V., when the nausea comes the drugs don't get blamed by the human response, rather the most recent meal takes the rap.  So Dad is stressed to figure out what to feed Mom starting Monday.  In the mean time, Jacalyn is visiting tonight, so Dad is making a special dinner.  He made chutney from our pluots yesterday which goes really great with pork.  Dad went to the farmer's market in San Francisco today to pick up dry-farmed early girl tomatoes and fresh-made mozzarella which he will make into caprese salad using basil from our garden to start the meal tonight.  The star entree is a bone-in, frenched pork loin roast from Golden Gate Meats.  Dad brought the roast home from the market this morning and put it into a brining solution to make the meat juicy and flavorful when cooked.  The butcher gave Dad some dry rub to add for the rotisserie cooking process which will give the meat a complex taste.  My mouth is watering just thinking about it.  With the chutney to compliment and fresh English peas steamed for a side dish, it will be a wonderful meal to share with Jacalyn.  Dad wants Mom to get ahead on calories before treatment, so he is working hard to make some wonderful meals this weekend.  Go Dad, go!

I wish Dad would spend as much time, or at least some time, thinking about and planning good meals for Lou and me.  The best we get is a can of dog food once a week (which I love a whole bunch).  Usually it is kibble.  Kibble for breakfast, kibble for dinner, rinse and repeat the next day.  If it wasn't for the tomato patch in the garden and the pluot tree my diet would be like cardboard with vitamins added.  Please Dad, make us a roast of pork!

Mom's big heart

Last night Mom came home early to enjoy the warm weather with Dad out by the pool.  They sat and chatted for about 45 minutes before Dad got up to make dinner.  While Dad was in the kitchen, Mom called her friend Jacque, who is also fighting CLL.  Jacque faces a potentially more serious problem that her auto immune system is failing.  Her doctor is trying Retuxant and Bendamustine to see if it is her CLL causing the auto immune problem.  Her doctor wants to try another drug he thinks will be more helpful, but the insurance company requires the Bendamustine be tried first.  On the one hand, the insurance company is trying to manage costs - these drugs costs thousands each time they are administered.  On the other hand, it seems a waste that Jacque's doctor has to make her take them so she can get what her doctor believes she really needs.  So Jacque is having weekly chemo infusions.  Mom calls her the evening before each treatment to encourage her, and then she follows up the day of treatment to provide support for what Jacque is going through.  Mom has such a big heart.  I wish Mom's friends would call her before treatment and after because Mom has a rough time with just Dad and Lou and me.  We do our best, but Dad and us, we are boys and boys don't help women like other women do.

Last night was warm and muggy.  After dinner there was a heat lightening storm, which scares the bejeebers out of me.  I got so wound up that Mom gave me a valium to calm me down so the family could sleep.  The valium was prescribed for Lou because of his epilepsy, but he has never taken it since he isn't scared of anything and his new drugs do a good job of managing his seizures.  I had a bit of a hangover this morning until after breakfast we walked a couple of miles which made me feel much better.  Let's see what today brings!

Making Plans

Mom likes to make plans, especially for weekends with Dad, friends, and Lou and me.  Chemo therapy has made it difficult for Mom to plan ahead because the recovery of her blood counts and how she feels dictates if she will be able to be with her friends.  So far, Mom's second round of chemo has been delayed because her white counts have not yet recovered to the level necessary to be safe for retuxant infusion.  Mom's bones, like her, are skinny.  She needs more time than the typical patient to rebuild after treatment.  This means Mom cannot make firm plans which drives her crazy.  Normally we have a rolling 3-month plan of parties and outings to see friends, take in shows, and visit family.  The delay of Mom's treatment has meant the changing of plans, which also makes Mom crazy.  And, she isn't planning ahead, so she is stressed because she needs to have things to look forward to, more than blood tests and when will she get medicine that makes her feel terrible...

Lou and me, we are okay with all of this because when Mom has no plans she likes to stay at home, with us.  Today the weather was really warm so Mom and Dad sat by the pool in the warm air reading, chatting and sharing time together with Lou and me. I got to sit intertwined with Mom's feet poolside most of the afternoon. I love Mom!

Mom is too thin

Mom and Dad went to see Mom's oncologist today.  She still isn't ready for treatment because her platelet level is too low.  This is a new symptom Mom has developed since her last treatment.  Also, she is getting too thin.  To the point where the doctor went beyond chiding her to getting serious about what will happen if she doesn't gain weight.  Mom needs a buffer to fight potential infection.  Her weight in clothes is around 120 pounds.  For a woman of her stature, that is getting stick-skinny.

Dad is pushing Mom to eat more.  It is causing a little friction between then.  I guess Mom doesn't like being told what to do around her eating habits.  It has always been an area of sensitivity for her.

Me on the other hand, I continue to build my physique into a fatter dog every day because our pluot tree and tomatoes are in full swing now.  Dad has cut my food even more to compensate, and I don't even care because I know I will get three to five pluots a day and several sweet and juicy tomatoes too. I wish Mom would come down to the garden with me and we could eat the fruits together.  Then she would be plump like me.

Preparing for more chemotherapy

Mom and Dad celebrate their 15th wedding anniversary this week.  They were planning to go away for the weekend since 15 years of marriage is a sort of big deal for humans.  They had a difficult time finding someone to sit for Lou and me so they are staying home instead.  I'm good with that because I miss Mom terribly when she is away.  It also seems like she is apprehensive about her upcoming treatment.  She will see her oncologist on Friday.  The expectation is that she will start the second in this series of treatment on the 19th of August.  She was supposed to start today, but her blood isn't ready to take the punishment of the strong medicine.

I can tell Mom is worried and wishes she didn't have to get the medicine again because it makes her so sick and so tired especially the first week of the treatment.  I will do everything I can to help Mom be comfortable and on her way to some good years with her family she loves so much.  I am sorry to see her suffer when she gets the medicine.  It makes me sad.

Another get away weekend

Mom and Dad are going up to Napa to see Allen and Jackie, without Lou and me.  But Jene will be here so we will be safe.  Mom loves Jackie like a sister.  She and Allen are two of Mom and Dad's closest friends.  They have a wonderful property too with two yellow lab pups named Jesse and Jose.  Dad says we can't go up there until I stop fighting with the pups over stuffed toys (I especially like the duck) and Lou doesn't fence fight with their neighbor dogs.  Dad says maybe we can go up in September.  I sure hope so.

In the "zone"

My brother Lou and me, we were part of the same litter of 11 puppies.  When Mom saw us, she fell in love.  She coaxed Dad to come see us with all our brothers and sisters one cold november Day almost 10 years ago. When Dad picked me up from the pile of pups, I nuzzled his chest and he was in head over heels in love with me.  I am still the same dog, and Dad loves me like no one could, except Mom. Mom says I am her favorite dog ever.  She has had some amazing dogs, so I feel really blessed to be the favorite.  She really, really loved Larkin.  Larkin was her favorite before me.  Dad says Larkin was an acquired taste.  But Mom loved her and Larkin knew it.  Dad loved Chinaco, or "shnagg-a-dog" as Dad called him, who was the perfect dog when Dad and Mom had them together.  Chinaco died shortly after moving to the house we live in now.  He couldn't do stairs because of his arthritis.  Dad loved him so much and still thinks about and misses him often.  Dad keeps his collar as a way to keep in touch with Chinaco.  Sometimes he cries because he misses him so much.

 Larkin has a special place in Dad's heart.  When Dad first moved to California he saw Mom and Larkin on the TV news.  Mom used to run with Larkin around Palo Alto even though there were bad people who would abduct blonde pretty women like Mom when they were out running even though the women just wanted to keep in shape.  Dad saw her on the TV and fell in love on first sight.  Seven years later he saw Mom at their work and asked her out to lunch the minute he saw her again.  They have been together ever since.  Larkin died less than a year after they moved  to this house where Lou and I have always lived.  She was a good dog who loved Chinaco and Mom and Dad and especially tennis balls. Larkin mourned Chinaco and then she became Chinaco, so Dad loved her just as much as him.  It was hard on Mom and Dad when she passed.  She died of cancer...

Dad says we are in the "zone" since we will be 10 years old this Halloween, and golden retrievers die between 10 and 14 years.  A golden who lives more than 14 years is like a baseball player who hits over 300 average, it is rare.  Dad loves us and we love him and Mom.  I just feel tired lately.  And there are big lumps on my body.  I hope I took the cancer away from Mom so she can live many more years as humans should.  Its okay if the cancer kills me because I have lived a long life for a dog already.  Dad promises he will keep me in his heart.  He says "If I don't think about you, who will?".  So he will always think about me just like he thinks about and remembers with love Chinaco, Larkin, Duke, Saber, and Lisa.  All dogs go to heaven...

Left over burgers

Dad was home late yesterday.  He and Mom arrived at almost the same time around 6:30 PM.  Dad was tired and didn't feel like cooking so Mom asked for the left over burgers for dinner which upset me because I was hoping Dad would give the tasty morsels to his faithful dog, you know - me.  I love left over burgers, or burgers of any kind.  Dad was happy because beef is good for Mom to build up her blood and to gain some weight.  She has lost another 5 pounds, which means she is barely 120 pounds in her clothes.  Since she is 5-foot 7 inches tall, she should weigh more like 140 or 145 fully dressed.  Keep eating burgers Mom!

Dad needs to be careful

Dad is Mom's caretaker through her cancer treatment and, well, life in general.  Today he was trimming the scrub oak trees along our back fence so the sun gets to the bamboo screen and the garden better.  He set up a 25' ladder into one of the trees to trim some branches away.  We live on a hillside and the back of the lot has a really steep slope especially right at the fence.  Dad was up with the lopper (thank God not the chain saw) when the ladder slipped downslope and he was launched into mid-air.  He should be more like a cat and land on his feet instead of on his back with a thud.  The collision with the ground and the small of his back knocked the wind out of him making him crawl around on the ground on all fours like a dog gasping for air.  I felt sorry for him that he was in so much pain.  He's lucky he isn't either in the hospital with a broken back, hip or paraplegic as a result of that fall.  Dad is a Physics genius, so he thinks, so he calculated his speed on impact.  He estimates the collision at about 15 miles per hour when he landed.  He should be more like a cat and land on his feet!  He needs to keep himself healthy to take care of Mom while she fights the cancer.  Not splaying  on hard-pack and gasping for air for five minutes like today. He took some Alleve to ease the swelling.  His left elbow is all kinds of black and blue.  He did tough it out for the rest of the day to finish so the yard would look good when Mom came home.  Get it together dude!

Mom came home and felt sorry for him and scolded him too.  She pointed out the she may outlive him because he has so  many accidents that cause bodily harm to the old duffer.  Dad cooked her hamburger sliders with grilled zucchini from our garden.  They laughed and hugged and generally enjoyed the evening.  The old duffer recovered well!

Ass Whopping

Mom and Dad took it easy today so Mom can rest and be strong to fight the cancer.  After going to the farmer's market in San Francisco to get fresh veggies, mozzarella cheese, mushrooms and a hanger steak for dinner they came home to chill in our yard.  The sat in the garden drinking wine.  Then they went upstairs for a long and leisurely bath followed by some luxurious sex.  Then they went back to the yard to play bocce.  They are both very competitive which made me nervous so I tried to get them to stop playing.  Every time one would toss the palino, I would rush to the end of the court wagging my tail and panting heavily.  Dad was very irritated with me because he would keep me off the court when Mom would play but Mom would let me distract Dad when he played.  Dad took an early lead which I didn't like.  Then Mom got four points on one play and then whooped Dad's ass.  It was a thing of beauty.  Dad may or may not have let her win.  It doesn't matter because Mom was felling good.  It was a glorious day.  I hope I helped Mom win!

Blood markers improving

Mom and Dad went to see Mom's oncologist Friday afternoon while Lou and I stayed at home bored as ever.  Mom had gotten her blood taken that morning before going to work so the doctor could check progress since her first treatment.  The doctor was gushing that Mom had responded really well to first treatment.  Her white blood count went from 120 thousand to 3 thousand with healthy white cells on the rise indicating that Mom's marrow is in strong recovery.  Her platelets had improved too along with the disappearance of swollen lymph nodes.  A really good report.

Mom and Dad then went to the Rosewood for a drink and to relax after, which meant that Lou and me continued to be bored, so we dug up a few plants from the garden and I stole some juicy tomatoes to hold me until dinner.  When they got home everyone was so happy that it made Lou and me absolutely wild with excitement.  Let's have more good days like this.

Mom will go in for another meeting with the oncologist on the 14th of August.  Then she will have her second treatment the 19th and 20th.  She and Dad plan to go to Sausalito the 16th through the 18th to celebrate their 15th wedding anniversary.  They are looking for someone to babysit Lou and me that weekend.  I hope it is someone fun who will give me treats.

Mom is amazing

Mom came home from work last night with a story to tell.  She was facilitating an offsite meeting when they asked to pause the meeting to recognize Mom for her good work.  Four executives all gave testimonials of how amazing Mom is at work.  They punctuated it with a recognition bonus that let Mom get $5,000 after taxes and stuff.  She was so touched by the gesture that her eyes welled up.

I know Mom is amazing because I am her favorite dog of all time.  What they don't know is that she does all that great stuff at work, she is an awesome Mom and wife at home.  And she is fighting cancer  and getting chemo medicine that makes her feel like crap while she does all that great stuff.  She's one in a million.  Please God, you want her in heaven to take care of stuff up there, but will you let her be with us for a long life?

Away from her

Mom had a business dinner last night so it was just us guys, Lou, Dad and me, at home without Mom.  I was really missing her and worried that the cancer or germs could get to Mom without me there to protect her.  She came home at almost 10 PM, which is Mom's normal bed time.  She stayed up with us for a while after changing into casual clothes because she missed us too.  We sat and talked as a family in the family room which Dad has utterly torn apart for painting.  Then I got one of Mom's walking shoes that she lets me chew on and went to bed with Mom and Lou.  Dad came up later and made me get off the bed so he had a place to sleep.  He still let Lou stay on the bed because he says Lou knows how to share the room versus me who is a "bed hog".  I don't look, sound, or act like a hog at all.  I like bacon, though, so pigs are okay as long as they are only at the grocery store or butcher shop where Dad buys bacon to fry up at home.  Mom will be home for dinner tonight.  I hope Dad finishes painting the family room before she comes home so she is comfortable.

Are we moving?

Dad is fixing up the house all over the place.  He is clearing out stuff from under the house, which I like because it gives Lou and me more room in our "man cave" where we spend most of our days sleeping only emerging to bark at a passing dog or the neighbor's cat down by the garden fence.  He fixed walls going up the stairs which was damaged moving furniture.  He is painting too, which I don't like since dog's noses are sensitive to strong smells like paint fumes.  Mom told Dad to get the house fixed up as if we are going to sell it.  Mom likes to have her house neat as a pin but Dad is messy in his office and the garage.  Normally Dad tries to keep things looking somewhat together.  Not like now, though.  Are we going to move out of our house?  Lou and I have only lived here.  We have visited other houses, like Allen and Jacalyn's house in the wine country, which used to be really great until they got Jesse and Jose, who try to take my shoe so I growl at them.  Lou likes to fence fight with their neighbor's dog, which Jacalyn worries will teach Jesse and Jose to do that too.  So we don't get to go there anymore.

Mom loves our house.  She always said this is her favorite house ever.  She and Dad work so hard keeping up the gardens with pretty flowers and bushes, which Lou and I have to dig up from time to time because we get bored with the old stuff and want new bushes and flowers.  The fruit trees, the bocce court, and especially the pool all make Mom so happy. We have really great neighbors too who watch out for us and invite Mom and Dad to parties, and even have a disaster preparedness organization that Dad helps out with. If Mom and Dad move us somewhere else, it won't be as good and it won't be the home we have always known and love so much.  I will bark at anyone who tries to take our house and make me move away.

Felt like Fall today

Northern California weather is unpredictable.  After weeks of mild and sometimes hot weather, today was blustery and cool.  It made me think about Fall when Mom and Dad spend more time in the living room in front of our fireplace.  Lou and I will grow our coats thick, soft and warm so that we pant even on cold days when we walk with Mom and Dad in the morning.  It gives me hope to look forward to the holidays when people will visit, Dad will cook big tasty meals, and Mom will glow with the love of her family and friends.  I am one lucky dog.

Cro Magnon Dog

Dad wanted to play on the stairs so I ducked my head and butted him hard straight on his forehead - I saw stars and he was angry.  Guess his idea of fun and mine, Mr. Cro Magnon Dog, are different!!  That will show him for having an argument with Mom when she is fighting cancer the jerk!

Love

Mom came home somewhat earlier than normal from work to enjoy the warm weather.  She sat on the back deck reading the Chronicle as if it was the best reading in the world.  Dad joined her to support her but he finds the paper to be boring.  Mom loves to read about movies and plays and celebrity gossip.  I have no idea what any of that is because us dogs only know what goes on at the fence and in the yard.  If people who make movies are interesting, Lou and me, we could care less.

The neighbor cat came up limp today as Dad looks after the critters next door.  He stressed about that until he found out the cat is a hypochondriac kitty who is old and pretty much a pain in the litter box.  Lou and me we hate it when Dad goes next door to feed the cat and the bunnies, only because we want him to be safe.  When Mom came home today BOTH of them went next door so Lou and I had do a whole lot of barking to keep them safe.  We wish they wouldn't do that!

Mom is really feeling normal again, although she and Dad talked about what she went through and how to prepare for the next round. She is so beautiful. I love her so much. I want her to be healthy, happy and safe.  She is already gorgeous and loving and so magnetic.  Please God, keep Mom happy for all the years of her life.

Friends with blood issues

Mom came home from work cheerful and full of energy.  It was still warm out so she and Dad sat in the garden and then on the back deck talking and drinking wine.  Mom was really happy and bubbly, just like the Mom that everyone loves so much (I love her no matter what).

Then while Dad was making dinner she called one of her long time friends Jacque who also is fighting a blood disorder.  Jacque is really cool because she loves dogs and is a really good mom with two dogs and two great kids.  Mom especially loves her daughter Annette who is like 14 and looks just like Mom and loves clothes just like Mom.  She is like Mom's minnie me.  Jacque is suffering from a blood disorder that gets a similar treatment that Mom gets, but has different symptoms.  Mom and Jacque have been friends for like 30 years, which, as a dog, is impossible for me to comprehend since I will never see 20.  They love each other like sisters.  They used to work together at some big house called Rohlm Corporation in the Silicon Valley.  Is it coincidence that they both have blood disorders about the same time?  Was there something that caused it from their work in the Silicon Valley?

Mom also connected with Sandee who's man partner is getting treated for cancer of the scrotum.  even thinking about that makes me shiver and bark.  Ugh.  Mark is going through chemo treatment and seems to be doing good so far.  I gave two extra barks tonight to let Mark know we re all hoping and praying he gets through this in good shape.

We are all pulling for Jacque to be okay because she is a wonderful person and Mom loves her alot, and for Mark because he is a good guy and like to come over to watch the Academy Awards every year with Mom and Dad.  Mom has so much on her shoulders, I wish I could do more to help.  Lou and I did extra barking tonight to make sure the cancer and germs and stuff can't get to Mom.  I love you so much Mom, I hope you know that I do all that I can to help you.  We love you so much!

Goodnight.

This is bliss

The weather continues to be warm.  Yesterday Dad harvested all of the lettuce from our garden and then cut the now bolting stalks.  He gives the stalks to our neighbors to feed their two bunnies (Salt and Zebra).  I don't care because dogs don't eat lettuce.  I wouldn't mind chasing those bunnies, though.  Dad plans on transplanting some lettuce seedling sets today that he started in his indoor garden about a month ago.  Apparently lettuce doesn't like to sprout in hot weather, so Dad does it this way.  I think it's boring.

When Mom got home from work she was tired but in good spirits.  She had worked much later than she planned which cut her time on the deck shorter than she would have liked.  She still enjoyed the mild air and light breeze.  Dad made a "refrigerator surprise" salad using some of the lettuce he had harvested.  It also had chicken, avocado, sweet corn, English peas, cherry tomatoes from our garden, and fresh mozzarella cheese from the Farmer's Market all tossed with a fresh-made vinaigrette dressing that  had honey, mustard and molasses blended with some extra virgin olive oil from Napa Valley.  Mom loved the salad and ate a huge plate of it.  That made Dad happy.  It seemed like old times for the family.  It was pure bliss.  No talk about Mom's cancer either.  I just wish the SF Giants were playing better :)

Dog days of summer

It almost feels normal at home, although Mom doesn't like to get up early enough to walk Lou and me.  I miss that.  Hopefully she will feel up to walking us tonight.  She says she doesn't feel like working out during the day so much because the medicine made her tired, so she likes walking with Dad and us boys after work.

The weather is warm, which makes Mom happy.  She loves sitting on the back deck in the warm air.  We live in a microclimate of Northern California where the weather is usually mild with cool evenings which is perfect for a dog with as much fur as I have.  Like me, Mom grew up here so this is heaven to her.  Dad is from Upstate New York where they have hot summers and cold winters.  He likes it here much better.

If this is the new normal, then let the dog days continue.

Progress

Mom went in to the hospital early this morning for a blood test.  Her doctor wants to keep a close watch on the effect of the chemo drugs because she has "skinny bones".  Last time they almost killed her when her ability to fight infection dropped off the charts without them knowing it for two weeks.  Thank God Mom has good hygiene habits and didn't pick up any bacteria or virus then.  She still pets me, so maybe I'm a clean dog, right?  Her test came back with very encouraging results.  The chemo drugs smacked down the malignant white blood cells and she still has enough to fight infection.

Mom came home from work about 5:30 tonight which is earlier than normal.  She and Dad took Lou and me for a walk.  Dad set a slow pace since Mom is still weak from the treatment.  She was really happy to have walked the 1.5 miles with a couple hundred feet elevation change.  I was happy that she was out walking with us.  The air was unusually heavy and the sky was grey.  Very unusual for this time of year, or ever in this area for that matter.  A sub-tropical moisture came in and made us feel like we are living in Florida.

After the walk, Dad cooked a whole pound of bacon, five ears of fresh sweet corn, a pint of heavy cream, and a quart of homemade chicken stock into corn chowder.  Mom ate a half a bowl which was good.  She is eating better and regaining her strength and her personality is returning to reflect the warm and generous soul she is.  It was a good night at home tonight.  We are making progress.

Dad read the blood report and while it looked good that the cancer is being treated, he could see that Mom is changing from the last time.  Two markers of particular concern are her platelets are low.  And she has a market that suggests she might have an infection.  If the infection is lurking, it could really challenge Mom as the treatment continues.  We need for Mom to get the treatment she needs and not have an infection that, well, I don't want to think about it.  Diet affects platelet production so Dad did some digging to find out how to prepare foods that will help Mom.  Turns out, they already do what they should be doing.  Dad will keep making fresh and wholesome foods for Mom.  I just wish he would give me more of them!

Feeling normal

Mom rested this weekend quite a bit which she needs to fight the cancer.  The weather was mild and the gardens gorgeous at home.  Mom wanted to get outside so she worked in the gardens for a few hours then she and Dad sat on the love seat by the pool reading this afternoon.  It was idyllic so I laid at Mom's feet and let sun warm both of us.  This is life at it's best.

Mom and Dad went up to their suite for a bath for about an hour then made love on their bed.  Mom was tired, but she wanted to make love to Dad because it makes her feel normal.  It gives her a sense of purpose and makes Dad appreciate her.  Dad was very grateful afterward.  I was just bored because it meant they were too busy to pay attention to their dogs.  Afterward they fed us canned dog food, which, by the way, I love more than anything.  It wasn't normal for us like it has been, but it is bringing us to a new normal.  If it makes Mom happy, then we are all happy.

Why does Mom have this disease?  She is wonderful, everyone loves her.  she has so many friends many of whom have been friends since she was young, like six.  Yet she has this disease that may kill her and she isn't even sixty yet.  Why? It makes Dad sad so I push my head into his crotch so he pets me.  I love Dad but I really love Mom.  She exercises and eats right, but then she gets cancer.  Why?  The world is a better place with Mom in it, so many people believe that and want Mom to be okay.  Dad is losing it.  Someone help him, please.

Rest Day

Mom took it easy today to rest up from taking the medicine and a tough work week.  She walked us with Dad in the morning.  Then Dad took her to the farmer's market in San Francisco.  They had lunch at a cool place in the Ferry building.  Then they came home, did some yard work and Mom took a long nap.  I slept with her on the bed to keep the cancer away so she can get better.

Dad cooked some really awesome New york steaks on the grill tonight.  Lou and I got fat trimmings which were divine.  It was good to see Mom eat dinner.

After Mom went to bed Dad cried really hard in the family room.  What's wrong with him?  His tears made Lou's fur wet, but Lou didn't care.  In fact, Lou seemed to want to make Dad feel better so he wagged his tail and licked Dad's reddened face.  Dad needs to pull it together because Mom needs him and Lou and I need him to be strong.  Dad is the rock of this family.  If he loses it, we will all be in a bad place.  I grunted when Dad came to snuggle me to let him know he needs to step up and be a man.

Today is better than yesterday

CLL is incurable.  Once treated with chemo therapy there will be a relapse, which means more treatment.  Each time it is treated the remission periods are shorter with reduced quality of life.  The medical scientists are looking for better treatment for the disease.  For now, Mom is one of many people who are into their second treatment.  The drugs available now are better than what she had two years ago.  Although she feels worse than she did two years ago with nausea being the most difficult and sleeplessness a close second.

Today Mom came home in better spirits than yesterday.  It is a better day today than yesterday and hopefully the trend will continue.  Mom and Dad don't have any plans this weekend other than letting Mom rest.  That's cool for Lou and me because we love hanging out by the pool with Mom.  The pluot tree is starting to ripen and there are lots of tomatoes on the vines that are sweet.  It will be a good weekend.

CLL is evil

CLL is evil.  Mom came home from work last night looking completely exhausted.  Her eyes were sunken into dark sockets and she spoke in a whisper.  Dad made her drink some water with electrolytes to rehydrate her.  The chemo medicine makes her kidneys work really hard as it clears her blood which takes alot of fluid out of her system.  It also puts her at risk for kidney stones if she doesn't drink enough fluids to keep her kidneys functioning normally.

I decided the way to help was to rearrange all of the family room furniture by rubbing my jowls and wriggling on my back.  Even though the room was a complete wreck when I was done, it made Mom smile.  That is what she needed.  I was glad I helped her.

Then she ate her dinner too!  Dad made hamburgers which he almost never makes at home because they aren't the healthiest for humans although us dogs love them like candy.  Dad thought she might eat if he tempted her with something she really likes and is chock full of calories and iron.  It worked.  She at a cheese burger with onions, fresh tomatoes from our garden, mayo, mustard on a toasted potato bun.  After she ate she really perked up and was happy watching the Tour de France with Dad.  When Dad did the dishes he gave Lou and me each a hunk of the cheddar cheese that had melted onto the serving platter.  Yum.  I hope Dad makes hamburgers again real soon.

She went to bed a bit early, which was okay because she needs her rest to fight the cancer.  When she got up this morning she was complaining about cramps in her calf muscles and asked Dad to make her a strawberry smoothie because it has bananas in it.  She also commented that she feels better today.  Dad was really happy that Mom was feeling like she needed food.  He made the smoothie with two bananas, fresh strawberries, sheep's milk yogurt, whole cow's milk, ice and some honey to sweeten it and add calories.  Mom said it tasted good as she tipped out the door to work this morning.

I will do all I can to fight the evil CLL to keep Mom safe.  Lou and I have been doing alot of barking this morning to let that CLL know we are on the job.  This weekend we will all be home as a family and I'm going to make sure it is as safe and as comfortable as possible so Mom gets the rest she so desperately needs.

Tough Sledding

Mom went to work today.  She hadn't had any dinner last night and wasn't hungry tonight.  She was crabby, too.  The medicine is making her tired as it fights the cancer in her body.  Dad did his best  to be cheerful.  But he was discouraged by Mom's fatigue and the way she treated him.

Then my brother Lou had a seizure.  Lou is epileptic which means he takes really fun drugs every day. He used to have seizures every day until the vet figured out the cocktail that would minimize his suffering.  He has a seizure every 3 or 4 months now.  Well, tonight he had a grand mall.  When he starts a seizure he tries to jump on Dad because Dad comforts him through the ordeal.  Lou's body goes completely stiff and his eyes stare straight out.  Dad pets him and gently blinks his eyes for him.  It seems to help Lou to have Dad do that.  Mom was moved by Lou's predicament and it seemed to soften her mood.  A tough way for the family to come back to an even keel...Tough sledding in a dog's parlance.

Mom went to bed early and I stayed in the family room with Lou and Dad.  Lou is doing good now so Dad and I are going to go comfort Mom.  Please God, help us through this rough patch.

Mom is so strong

Mom had her second treatment today.  She did great because I slept on the bed with her and kept the cancer from hurting her any more.  She ate breakfast and even lunch during her infusion.  Afterward she came home and walked Lou and me over a mile and and a half with Dad.  Mom is so strong.  I love her and that is what makes me strong.  The cancer will not kill her before I go to dog heaven, I am sure of it.  It will be hard on mom when I pass, but that will be years from now.  I know that she will remember me with love and that is what life of a dog is all about.

Dad was really happy today too.  He loves Mom almost as much as I do.  He was with her for both treatments this week.  He does all he can to take care of her.  Just like I do.  We are both like that - like dogs - loyal, loving, not too much about talking, but Mom knows we love her and will do anything we can to keep her safe.  She has to fight the cancer from inside her body.  Dad, me and Lou, we do everything we can from beside her.  I will sleep so good tonight knowing she is getting better.

Dad says we have to keep it up, though, because the medicine will be working inside Mom's body which will make her susceptible to infection.  Dad says he will sanitize the house every morning so Mom has the best chance at home possible.  It worries him when she goes to work because there can be germs hiding at her work.  If I were there with her no germs would dare touch Mom.  All I can do is help Dad at home.  Lou and I will bark alot so that germs don't dare come hurt Mom.

She didn't eat dinner tonight which worried Dad a lot.  He does what he can to encourage her, but food is not a priority for Mom like it is for me.  I would eat her dinner if Dad would give it to me.  Dad is worried she will get too thin and won't be strong anymore.  I will show Mom that eating is easy if anyone will give me food.

Dad and Mom looked so happy tonight.  I love being their dog.  Lou and I love them so much.

Goodnight!

So far, so good

Dad brought Mom home around 3 from her first day of getting the medicine.  She looked in good spirits.  In fact, she felt good enough to work from home for a few hours while Dad did some yard cleanup.  I am so proud of Mom.  She is a real fighter.

Her white blood count was high, so they did not do the full rituxant treatment today.  Which means Dad will take Mom in to the infusion center for another 5-hour day tomorrow.

Dad made Mom a chicken soup from scratch with fresh peas, red potatoes, carrots, sweet onions, homemade chicken stock, and a freshly roasted chicken.  The hot soup was served over left-over thin spaghetti noodles.  Mom ate all of her bowl plus two pieces of ciabatta bread from the Acme Bakery.  It was good to see her have a healthy appetite and good spirits.

One big thing that helped Mom was the outpouring of support from all of her friends.  She was getting text messages and received encouragement cards in the mail today.  All of which helped keep her spirits high.  Mom knows she is fighting for a life with loving friends, family, and her dogs, especially me.

Mom went to bed at her normal time.  I am sleeping with her tonight to protect her from the cancer so the medicine has the best chance to work.  I love Mom so much.  She is so strong.

Life as we know it changes forever tomorrow

Mom starts chemo treatment tomorrow.  She and Dad went to the wine country to party and escape the reality of Mom's disease.  Lou and I stayed home with Jene.  We missed Mom and Dad so much.  But now they are home and we are happy.

But there is a tension in the air.  Mom is scared about what will happen when she gets the medicine infused.  She is scared that she will throw up, that she will be wiped out and unable to work.  Dad tries to get her to smile and laugh.  It seems to work some.  But it is clear that life as we have know it before Mom got sick will change forever tomorrow.  I hope it is good for Mom 'cause I love her more than life itself.  Please God, help my Mom get better.

Please help

Dad put me on a diet because he says I'm a "lard-butt" dog.  Now I'm not just always hungry, now I am really, really hungry all of the time.  To compensate, I snuck down to the garden this afternoon and ate a bunch of tomatoes that are sweet and juicy.  Then I found two plums on the ground that Dad missed, so I feel much better about myself now.  I have to keep up my strength to help Mom through her treatments!

Mom is having a tough time dealing with having to return to treatment so soon after having gone through it just two years ago.  CLL is a cruel disease that doesn't go away no matter how good you eat, how much you exercise, how many people love you, or how beautiful you are.  It sucks.

Mom talked with her Aunt Mary last night.  She told Aunt Mary that she starts treatment again on Monday.  Mary just brushed it off as if it is no big deal.  Mom was crushed.  Although Mom is always bubbly, sometimes she is also sad inside but doesn't let it show.  She wants to feel like people care about her and are supporting her no matter what. When the chips are down, like they are now, Mom wants people to step up.  She is very critical of how other people support her at this time.  She wants to know that she matters.  Aunt Mary failed the test.

Dad is trying his best.  But he's a boy like me and doesn't always know what to say.  I am a dog so I just wag my tail and snuggle Mom to make her feel better.  It seems to help.  I just wish I had more to eat!

Do I look fat?

Dad says I'm too fat from eating the plums that fall out of our tree.  Mom and I love Santa Rosa plums so much.  They won't give me any so I jump up as high as I can to snatch fruit from the tree.  Once all of that is gone, I have to wait for the delicious purple orbs to fall on the ground.  Dad tries to pick the fruit before it falls but he doesn't get all of it.  I especially like windy days.  Yum.  I also eat tomatoes from Dad's garden.  He yells at me but I just keep doing it because they taste so good and it helps keep the plants pruned back.  I have to do my part to help the family.
Dad is worried that Mom is too thin.  I think she looks great.  But Dad says she needs to keep her strength up during chemo treatment.  Mom doesn't like to eat anything when she gets the medicine.  We are on pins and needles to see what will happen on Monday when Mom gets the medicine again.  Meanwhile, I just saw a plum drop out of the tree.  It's my job to keep the yard clean!

Close friends too

Mom and Dad had a big party on Saturday so Mom could connect with her friends before she starts treatment.  Guess she can't see people as much once they give her the medicine.  That would suck for a dog 'cause we love to be with other dogs and we love seeing friends all the time.  Especially when they give us treats.
She only told a few close friends that the cancer has progressed to stage 4 which will require treatment starting July 15th.  Turns out one of her friends of more than 20 years also has CLL and will be starting treatment soon.  Her disease is different than Mom's.  Her platelets are around 10,000 which is extremely dangerous.  Mom's are around 100,000 which is too low but still manageable.  Mom's friend is on steroids to improve her blood chemistry.  Taking steroids means she can now either play major league baseball as a hitter or ride the Tour de France once she is through treatment 'cause steroids are lunch in those jobs and they pay really well.
Another friend will also be starting treatment next week for cancer of the scrotum.  I don't have my balls anymore since I am a "domesticated" dog, but I still have my scrotum which I lick at least twice a day because I can (apologies for such and old joke).  Cancer there would be the worst for a boy.  I wish him the best.
Out of 35 people who came to our party, 3 will be undergoing cancer treatment starting this month.  That seems like a lot.  Guess it is because they are getting older and stuff breaks when it gets older?

Treatment will start soon

Mom starts treatment on July 15.  She's worried about the side effects of the chemo.  Well, I hope she does okay.
We had a big party on Saturday with more than 35 of mom's friends coming over for pizza and drinks and fun.  I got several pizza "parts"  that were "dropped" by guests.  I'm getting fat.  At least dad says so.  I don't care.  I'm a dog!
Mom wanted to have the party to see her friends before she starts treatment.  She cannot risk too much exposure to other people once she starts 'cause she will have less immune defenses.  I hope she will be okay.  She can still see me and my brother, so I'm here to help her through whatever bad stuff might happen.
Dad and mom were together in the garden today talking.  Mom cried because she is scared to die.  She is worried about dad after she is gone.  Dad doesn't want to go on on without her.  I guess that's love.
Hopefully the medicine will help mom be okay.  It is likely I might outlive her.  I'm 10 which is not young for a golden retriever.  Dad says let's enjoy the time we have together and try not to be sad.
I love mom.  I don't want her to suffer.  I don't want her to die.  Please God, please let the medicine give mom more good life with us.

Stage 4

Stage 4 - apparently there isn't a stage after stage 4 - death?  I don't want Mom to die - what will I do?  I'm just  dog - although handsome - what are good looks if the one you love is no longer with us?  Why did Mom go to stage 4?  It sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks sucks, sucks,...well, you get the picture.  Mom is so beautiful - everyone loves her.  She is kind, kind, kind, generous to a fault and GORGEOUS.  She and Dad made love in the pool house tonight.  It was weird seeing the two of them naked in our back yard.  All of our neighbors are traveling so no one could see.  But, well, Dad is not that good looking naked.   Afterward they danced to the music playing on the pool house audio system.  "I will love after you're gone, gone gone".  What does that mean?
Tomorrow Dad and Mom are going to Santa Barbara by Amtrak.  Jene will be watching us for three days.  She's cool.  I hope she gives me treats.
Why does Mom have to be so sick?

Today is a happy day.  Mom went to see her oncologist today - she thought she would have to start chemo in two weeks, but she has improved!  Apparently she had used ibuprofen that caused her platelets to drop so much last time.  Mom may not have to go back in for tests for another six weeks.  I was so happy I bit right through Mom's sweater.

I am certain that I made all of the difference.  I slept close to Mom to keep the cancer from getting to her.  It worked.   Since Dad is traveling I get to sleep really close to Mom all night on the bed.  When Dad gets home I won't let him on the bed unless he lets me stay there too.

Aunt Jackie is on the back porch waiting for me.

A happy, happy day!

Mom's body got really hot when she was trying to watch a movie with Dad last night.  Mom is almost never crabby.  I guess when her body gets so warm it makes her unhappy.  I hate that.  She went to bed to try to go to sleep to feel better.  Dad opened windows and turned on a fan to cool her down.  It seemed to help and she went to sleep.

Usually Mom sings in the morning even though Dad says she can't carry a tune in a basket.  I think it's pretty and it makes everyone in the house very happy especially Mom.  Dad says that when Mom is happy the whole family is happy.  I guess so.  I just know that when Mom is happy she pets me and walks me, which makes me very happy.  Today she didn't walk me. She seemed in good spirits when she went to work this morning although she didn't sing to us.

Dad is packing for a trip to Virginia.  He will be gone Tuesday through Thursday.  I won't miss him too much because it means more room for me on the bed to sleep with Mom to protect her from the cancer hurting her.

 I also heard Mom tell Dad that Aunt Jackie will be visiting one night to keep her company while Dad is away.  I love Aunt Jackie.  I hope she doesn't bring Jessie and Jose though.  I get jealous of them when Mom pets them and they take my chew shoe.

Mom will go to the doctor tomorrow.  She goes to the doctor a lot lately.  I hope she comes home while it is still warm out so we can sit with Aunt Jackie by the pool.

I am scared because Mom is really sick.

Hi, my name is Buddy.  I am a ten year old golden retriever.  I have a brother named Lou.  We like to bark and dig up the lawn.  We usually walk with Mom and Dad every morning.  Lately, they haven't been walking us.  Dad and Mom cry a lot.  We just dig up the lawn...

Mom went to see her oncologist last week.  Oncologist is a big word that means vet for humans.  Her vet says she has chronic lymphoma.   That means her blood is f**ked up.  She had the same problem two years ago.  She went to the hospital for treatments every month.  But her cancer came back.  That's what chronic means - you can't get rid of it - like luggage.

I am fine - that means- F**ked up, insecure and emotional.  Mom and Dad are so sad lately.  I don't know what to do.

Next week Mom goes in for another check up.  Her platelets are low.  Almost to the point where she might bleed spontaneously.  I'm really proud that I know what that means since I am just a 92 pound dog who is scared of everything.  Especially losing my Mom.  I sleep with her at night even though Dad says I crowd the bed.  I don't care because my job is to keep her safe.  If I can keep the cancer away from her I am staying on the bed.  Dad lets me stay and my brother Lou thinks I am dumb.  I don't care.  I love Mom and I will do everything I can to take care of her.